


Don't Let Your Anger Define You

by icegirl99



Series: You Love Him [11]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 06:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: Papa and Copia do some work. Later Papa takes Copia for a late-night walk and opens up to him about his own issues.





	Don't Let Your Anger Define You

**Author's Note:**

> More to come soon.

"Cardinal." The voice sounded distant but calm and soothing. Copia tried to focus on it in the hope that it would pull him from his half-conscious state. He tried to move but his limbs felt heavy. He did feel the warm hands cradling his head; one on his cheek, the other petting down his face softly. "Copia, wake up." It was Papa's voice calling out to him, he realized, and this time it sounded firm and concerned. He focused on the feeling of Papa's hands on him. The one still cupped his cheek, the other was now gently caressing over his hair. Papa’s touch was light and he must have removed his gloves, the warmth from the hand up against Copia’s face was too much for it to be covered in the black leather. Finally, the Cardinal felt himself come back to consciousness and he turned his head into Papa's touch, opening his eyes slowly. 

"You take my breath away," Copia joked, his voice still weak as he pressed a kiss to Papa's palm. Papa laughed quietly and leaned down, kissing Copia's forehead. His head was still swimming but he was now aware of his surroundings. 

They were on the floor of Papa's office, beside his desk. He was on his back, but only half his body was on the cold floor tiles. Papa was on his knees behind him, the upper half of Copia's body laying in Papa's lap. 

"Are you alright, Cardinal?" Papa asked looking down at him, concern on his beautifully painted face. 

Copia closed his eyes and nodded slowly. Nothing hurt which meant Papa had caught him before he fell to the floor. His head didn't feel quite right but he knew that was normal after fainting. 

"I was worried that perhaps you are not well," Papa continued. "You did not respond to my kiss as I had hoped and then I saw you lose consciousness. I was fast enough to help you down to the floor but was worried when you wouldn't wake." He paused for a moment taking in a breath. "I checked you over and you appeared to be mostly alright. Is this something that has happened before?"

"Yes," the Cardinal replied as he looked up at Papa. He smiled shyly. "I do not always know when it's going to happen, however." 

Papa didn't look convinced. "Perhaps I should bring you to the infirmary. You were out for several minutes, Copia. I made sure you were in no immediate danger but I am no doctor." 

The Cardinal shook his head and tried to push himself up. Papa wrapped his arms around Copia and helped him to a sitting position against the desk. "No, Papa, that is not needed. I will be okay in a few moments." 

Papa still had that concerned look in his mismatched eyes. "You scared me, dear Copia. I have never seen this happen to you. I am still worried. Worry is not something I usually feel." 

Copia let his head fall back against the desk with a small sigh. "You would not have noticed. It is the anxiety Papa," he admitted. "Sometimes it becomes overwhelming." 

Papa's dropped his gaze. Thinking that he was the cause of the anxiety. "Is there anything I can do for you?" 

"Food would be nice," the Cardinal replied. 

Papa nodded and stood after he convinced himself that his Cardinal was going to be okay. "I will go get us lunch, yes?" Papa said as he put his gloves back on. He moved to step around Copia. 

"Mind helping me up and into a chair before you go?" Copia asked, slight amusement in his voice. "You weren't just going to leave me here on your floor, were you?"

Papa turned around and looked down at his Cardinal, smiling. "No," he said. "Yes, of course, I will help you." He leaned down to grab Copia's hand and helped him to his feet. 

The head rush made the Cardinal sway against his Pope but Papa steadied him before putting him down in his chair. "That is good, no?" Papa asked once Copia was settled and comfortable.

"Yes. Thank you, Papa," Copia replied and Papa kissed his cheek. "Would you mind bringing back some tea for my lingering headache?" 

"Not at all my dear Cardinal," Papa smiled. "I'd kiss you but I am afraid you will faint on me again." 

"I won't," Copia said quickly. "I promise, I want you to kiss me again Papa." He felt the familiar heat coming over him as he blushed. 

"Okie dokie," Papa said and leaned in, just giving his Cardinal a quick light kiss. "I'll be back soon. You may start on the translations if you wish or you may rest. I will not be upset if you have not started working before I return." He gently squeezed Copia's shoulder before turning and exiting his office. 

~*~

It was late by the time both the Pope and his Cardinal grew tired of their task. The sun had long gone down and Papa had to leave to prepare for the ordainment ritual he was to perform at midnight. Copia stayed in Papa's office a little longer, choosing to finish off the transcript they had been working on just before Papa had needed to leave. It was almost 12:30 in the morning when the Cardinal finally shut off the lights and locked up Papa's office. 

He went up to his room and began to prepare for bed. He wasn't overly tired but was emotionally drained. After fainting, he had felt off for several hours afterward. If Papa had noticed he had not mentioned anything. 

Climbing into his bed and settling down against his pillows he realized that the pillow Papa had been using last night smelled slightly like the Pope. Copia reached for it and clutched it to his chest. He inhaled and let the scent of the other man calm him. Even though it had been years since he had spoken about his past it still took him a few days to feel emotionally stable again. Copia was grateful that Papa had understood how much it affected him and how hard it was to talk about. There was still more that the Cardinal had to tell Papa. What he had opened up about was only half of it. If they were to have a relationship, Papa deserved to know. He could not enter into a relationship with someone who did not know his past. It was an important part of the man he was today and he needed his lover to be aware of how it could affect them in the future. Copia suddenly became aware that he had been silently crying. His tears soaking his pillow. He squeezed his eyes shut pushing the thoughts from his mind and prayed for sleep. 

~*~

Copia was unsure how long he had been asleep for but he was woken by his phone ringing. Yawning, he grabbed it off his bedside table and answered it. "Hello?"

"I wish to see you, dear Cardinal," Papa's voice said, it was low, barely a whisper. "I know it is late but I ask that you entertain me the idea of seeing you again." 

"Papa, where are you?" Copia asked, confused. He wondered why Papa was whispering.

"Outside your door," Papa said. "I did not know if you would answer any knocking." 

"I was asleep," Copia replied. 

"I thought as much," Papa sighed quietly. "May I ask that you join me for a late-night walk?" 

"I am not dressed," Copia said but he sat up and tossed the covers aside. "I will get dressed." 

"Good. May I come in while you do that?" 

"Yes, Papa." The Cardinal got up and made his way into the living room. He opened the door and let Papa into the room. Papa walked in and took a seat on the couch. "I take it the ritual went well?" Copia said trying to make casual conversation while he busied himself with getting dressed. He chose casual clothes, a pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt. Papa was dressed similar, having changed out of his Papal attire. 

"It did," Papa replied but he sounded disinterested. "I have not come here to discuss business matters." 

"Of course not," the Cardinal said as he walked back through to the sitting area. 

As soon as he saw that Copia was dressed Papa stood up from his position on the couch. "Come Copia," Papa said heading towards the door. "I wish for us to take that little walk now." The Cardinal looked at him curiously and Papa held out his arm to him. "You have nothing to fear my dear Cardinal." Papa smiled at him and Copia finally took his arm, allowing the Pope to lead him out into the hallway. 

They climbed down the stairs to the main floor of the church and made their way out the back door to the gardens. "Where are you taking me Papa?" the Cardinal asked as they walked through the beautiful rows of shrubs. 

"The place I go to when I need to think," he replied. "You will like it." Papa laced their fingers together and squeezed gently. "I think this will help you feel better." He led Copia down the stone pathways behind the church, out onto the soft grass and through the trees. 

Finally, they came upon the lake, beautiful as always. The moonlight reflecting off its calm serene surface. Papa brought his Cardinal over to the bench on the shore and sat down with him. "Is it not beautiful?" the Pope asked. 

"It is," Copia replied, staring out at the smooth black water. 

Papa shifted his body so that he was facing Copia. "I have brought you here tonight Cardinal because I would like to tell you my story." 

The Cardinal turned to him. "Papa, you don't-" Copia started but Papa hushed him by pressing a finger to his lips and shaking his head. 

"I do," Papa insisted. He took Copia's hand again and held it tightly in his own. "I cannot bring myself to continue within this relationship without telling you this." The Cardinal nodded and turned his head so that their eyes met. Copia couldn't quite read Papa's expression, it was one he had never seen on the Pope's face before. Papa usually beamed with confidence and ego. This was different, he seemed unsure of himself. Papa averted his gaze for just a moment then his eyes were right back on Copia's. "I have brought you out here for the privacy of being away from other members of the clergy. You are to be the only one I will tell this to. You understand, yes?" Papa asked. 

"I understand Papa," Copia replied. 

"Good," Papa said. "Now let me begin back when I was first brought into this world." He paused to take a breath. "I was born in the church, as I'm sure you knew. My mother, however, was not a member of the clergy, therefore I was to be raised by my father alone. He would take little interest in me, only doing what needed to be done to keep me alive. As I got older he left my care to my brothers. Neither of them wished for that and began to resent my very existence for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons was for my seemingly natural talents. I excelled exceptionally well in my studies, being able to learn almost anything in as little as a few hours of study. They were jealous because father soon took notice and began to nurture my talents. He made sure that I was given the best of everything." Papa stopped again and dropped his head. Copia squeezed his hand soothingly. "It was this jealousy that fueled the constant bullying from my peers. People began to see me as an arrogant egotistical asshole. And maybe they weren't wrong. I got used to everyone saying these hurtful things that made me angry. I heard it so often it became difficult to differentiate between when I was the one at fault for the rage and when it was on someone else." He smiled sadly. "Now it has come to the point where I am almost always completely at fault." He sighed.

"You can't let that anger define you, Papa," Copia said. "You're working to change that. I can already see it." Copia brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of Papa's hand gently. 

Papa gave his Cardinal a small smile. "Yes, I suppose I am, aren't I?" 

"You are," the Cardinal said reassuringly. Papa reached out to Copia with his free hand and cupped his cheek. Copia smiled softly at him and turned to kiss the palm of Papa's other hand. “What was the other reason?”

Papa grinned. “That I was prettier than them.” Copia laughed lightly. Papa sighed and looked at his Cardinal with a cautious soft gaze. "I would like it if you spent the night with me in my bed Cardinal, will you do that for your Papa?" his voice was barely a whisper. 

Copia nodded and leaned forward, seeking Papa's lips with his own. They kissed gently. "I will spend the night with you, Papa," Copia said when the kiss ended. He let out a yawn unexpectedly.

Papa chuckled quietly. "Do I bore you, dear Copia?" 

"No, Papa," the Cardinal smiled. "I am tired." 

Papa stood and offered Copia a hand. "Then let us retire to my bed." The Cardinal took Papa's hand and together they walked back to the church and up to Papa's bedroom for the night.


End file.
